BPD Thoughts From The Borderline Community

A diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is misunderstood by most. Regardless of the number of times we try to explain it nothing seems to clarify it enough that we feel truly understood. Hell, most of the time we can’t understand ourselves so trying to explain it to the average person becomes a task of selecting the right words.

The only other people who could possibly comprehend the heightened emotional sensitivity and rapidity of the mood swings are those with a BPD diagnosis.

No matter where you get your information on BPD you will find in common nine defining criteria:

1. Frantic and desperate attempts to avoid any type of abandonment, imagined or real.
2. Distorted and unstable sense of self.
3. Unstable personal and business relationships.
4. Impulsive reckless behaviors that are self-damaging excessive spending, unsafe sex or substance abuse.
5. Suicidal and self-harming behavior.
6. Periods of intense depression, anxiety and irritability lasting from an hour or two, to a few days or weeks.
7. Inappropriate, intense or uncontrollable emotions often followed by shame and guilt.
8. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
9. Dissociating or disconnection from your thoughts and sense of identity.

During your research you will also run into numerous articles and opinions labeling us to be manipulative and attention seeking or that we use our illness as an excuse for our uncontrollable emotional outbursts. So instead of getting into big long explanations about each one and how they affect my life, I decided to ask people in the BPD community what they feel is the most challenging part of their illness to deal with. Here are some of the comments I received.

“It’s the sudden drop in mood that is hardest for me. For example, after having a lovely lunch with a friend, I can be driving home and all of a sudden feel suicidal. My current coping strategy, is to text two trusted friends and tell them how I feel.”

“I find one of the hardest things is the name calling…dramatic, negative, attention seeking and other thoughtless words being thrown around by loved ones claiming to support me, and even after explaining BPD and them saying they understand, the name calling continues and causes more damage.”

“For me it is the lack of verbal impulse control and instant reactions. Words are out of my mouth before I even have a chance to process what I have said, and sadly cannot be taken back once spoken, along with the guilt of having unjustifiably saying terrible things.”

“My feelings are the worst because I can feel them all the time. I know it sounds weird but I feel them physically in my chest and not so much in my head. My thoughts annoy me but my feelings are worse. There’s an entire dialectic debate conflicting in my mind between the rational and what I feel is true and I end up hurting people and feeling worthless, often to the point of being suicidal.”

“I struggle a lot with being able to saying no and setting any healthy boundaries be it friends, family or co-workers and often have difficulty recognizing what is good for me and what is bad for me. I have an intense fear of standing up for myself for fear or repercussions or abandonment.”

“The bouncing around from emotion to emotion…going from hyper to hypo sensitive and spending no time in the middle is physically and mentally exhausting.”

“The hardest part for me is my impulsivity. Having tried committing suicide six times, they have all been from rash decisions. I go from zero to waking up in a coma without thinking.”

“I am always being made out to be just too emotional because of my lack of emotional impulse control.”

“Always being on high alert for fear of abandonment which inhibits most relationships because we want to keep you close but are so afraid of you leaving we push you away when we really don’t mean to.”

“For me, it is the constant battle of resisting the urge to self-harm or self-destruct.”

“The ignorance of people about the disorder and the label attached to the word “borderline”, hence it possible being renamed in the next DSM…people are freaked out by the word Borderline which makes us highly misunderstood.”

Those are just a range of the comments that I received from people who are affected by Borderline Personality Disorder that will perhaps open your mind a bit to the insights of people with this illness. Thank you to those who reached out and opened up in order to help educate others.



Jody (Jody's Blog)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Borderline Personality Disorder Misinformation

The label Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) does not do justice to the emotions felt by those affected. Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder is likely to be the replacement, which is getting closer to describing what we go through. The problem is the “symptoms” of BPD are in such a broad spectrum, they cross over into many other mental illnesses.

As I started to learn more about BPD, I was disgusted to see the number of articles that enforced the theory that because BPD is primarily treated with therapy and behavioral changes, it is not an illness, but rather an excuse for being manipulative and abusive; another reason to not take responsibility for the impulsive behaviors and the suicidal thoughts that are seen merely as cries for attention. The amount of stigma and misinformation out there is baffling.

Let me tell you firsthand that life with BPD can be an emotional hell.  I wish there was a pill to help alleviate the symptoms, because it certainly is easier to swallow a pill than it is the truth. I would love to get up in the morning, pop a tablet and have even one day that my mind is not an emotional battleground. It is so effortless compared to the work required digging through your past, and the difficulty in unlearning things you have done your whole life. The behaviors have been repeated so often they have become a part of who you are, or at least who you think you are, and unlearning them is incredibly difficult and painful.

Understand that our mood swings are so intense that they are either at one end of the spectrum or the other. There is little to no middle ground. We are either in a state of hyper or hypo arousal, which basically means we are constantly on guard, whether it be during an up period or a bout of depression. We have little control over the timing of our moods swings happen or for how long they will last. We are on high alert because we are constantly afraid. We lack a solid sense of self which not only enables our fear but causes us to be afraid of our own reactions to things. We are terrified of being abandoned or left in any manner and the smallest inclination of someone doing so can send us into an emotional and verbal frenzy.

We are not trying to manipulate or abuse anyone, and if it comes across as doing so, please know there is absolutely no intent or malice involved. Our lack of impulse control is perhaps the most difficult part of having BPD. We may be ok one minute and the next we are spewing words we will end up wanting to take back. There is no rational mind when we are triggered by something, we are running completely emotively and our reactions are so instantaneous that the situation quickly spirals out of control. We fear being left so much that we say something in one breath and are apologizing in the next. We want you so close we hold on too tight and then fear of abandonment takes over and we push you away and then reach to pull you back as quickly as possible for fear of being alone. All this can occur in a time span so short we hardly have time to process what has just happened.

As for suicidal thoughts or self-harm, they too are ruled by our lack of self-control. In no way are they cries for attention. At the time they are uncontrollable, instant reactions driven by our emotive brain, and that theory is largely supported by the incredibly high number of suicide attempts involving people with BPD. Cutting is, once again, an impulsive way to try and alleviate the emotional distress we are under at the time, an instant distraction from the pain.

When we are of rational mind, we are aware of all of these things we do. We know our behaviors are impulsive and wrong, we just don’t know yet how to stop them. We punish ourselves in any way possible, physically and mentally, questioning every word we have said, every word said by others, and words not yet spoken. We are harsher and more critical of ourselves than we would ever be to someone else. There is nothing anyone can say to me that my inner critic has not already said a lot more harshly and multiple times.

So if you happen to be someone researching BPD, be it for yourself or someone else, please take what you read with the proverbial grain of salt. We are not manipulative, selfish, abusive monsters. We do not do things to hurt other people, we are just quicker to self-protect. We are still the people we were before we were diagnosed, and sadly that is too easily forgotten. We are the same as you except we wear our emotions on the outside, whether we like it or not.

Jody (Jody's Blog)

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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