The quote below in Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk's book, The Body Keeps The Score, is by far one of my favorites. For those who never felt safe growing up, this one is for you. If you're one of these people, then you know firsthand how true these words ring.I am one of these people that grew up in a home that was anything but safe. If I could have filmed every second from the time I was born until I left home, it would most likely be a horror flick. There was not "safe moments" in our house and if there were, they were far and few between in my life.
I concluded that, if you carry a memory of having felt safe with somebody long ago, the traces of that earlier affection can be reactivated in attuned relationships when you are an adult, whether these occur in daily life or in good therapy. However, if you lack a deep memory of feeling loved and safe, the receptors in the brain that respond to human kindness may simply fail to develop. If that is the case, how can people learn to calm themselves down and feel grounded in their bodies? - Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk, The Body Keeps The Score.
Having a safe moment here and there doesn't do much when the world you live in is chaos. When a father screams or makes threats. When a parent abuses or threatens abuse. When a sibling treats you in the same manner they have been treated, it means there are no safe moments. Included in all of this is when you watch the violence and abuse and screaming that is taking place.
