Thursday, February 3, 2011

Think Happy Thoughts

When I was a kid, I learned how to "hide" the world of horror that I was living in from the outside world. No one saw the abuse, the molestation, the mind manipulation that was going on in the world I was living in. Most of the time, we didn't even see all of it in our own family even though it was going on right before our eyes. To the outside world, we were a family of kids that behaved and obeyed their parents. We appeared to others to be just like everyone else with their own set of daily problems but nothing out of the ordinary.

Each day, I would go to school, wearing one of the few pairs of clothes that I had to wear. I would sit there next to everyone after only being allowed to take one shower a week which of course fell on Saturday night right before Church on Sunday! Every day in school, as the afternoon wore on and I knew that I would be headed back home to my world of despair, the headaches would hit me with a vengeance. My mind would daydream of happier moments hoping that somehow I could take myself out of this horror that I lived in, if it were only in a dream.

I could describe the horrors I faced on a daily basis but I'll refrain because if you have read my book, "Hope And Possibility Through Trauma", you will know just what these horrors were all about. They were many and they continued most of my life while growing up. My world was not one of being happy.

However, if you would have met me during that time, you would not have known just how miserable I was in my life. You would have thought that I was a happy kid, always with a smile and not a care in the world. You would have thought that I had it all together and really had control of my life. That is the facade I showed to the world around me and all the people I interacted with. It was the happy face, full of happy smiles, happy thoughts and happy feelings that everyone saw. I could have been the poster boy for being happy.

Yet, inside I was anything but happy. My life was falling apart and crumbling but I dare did not show it to anyone. My body hurt from the abuse it suffered, my mind struggled to find reality and yet, to the outside world, I showed the happy face. I showed the happy face that everything was okay and my life was normal. However, deep inside, it was anything but normal.

Today, there are so many circumstances and situations that I see people putting that happy face on and acting as if everything is okay in life. What we portray to the outside world doesn't necessarily mean it is what is going on inside of us. Yes, I do understand that sometimes if you think happy thoughts, you can change your physiology and biology. However, if you don't act upon letting go of the sources of these things than the happy thoughts become an illusion.

What I have learned in life is to be more honest with myself and when I am happy, I radiate happiness. However, when I am feeling horrible on the inside, I need to be honest with myself and not hide from the emotional turmoil that may be going on in my life. In fact, I know that through some of the most difficult times in life when things seem to be very rough, it is then that I am experiencing some of the greatest growth of my moments.

While most of us want the rough moments to scoot on by, they are here for a reason and if we allow them to help us find that reason, than we will grow in tremendous leaps. It is fine to be happy when you are but just for the sake of trying to prove that you are happy when the opposite is true, it is taking us from truly discovering more about ourselves. It is much better to be authentic with your emotions and authentic with being happy. When we radiate from our true self, it is then that we find our true self.



Blog Post & Images (c) 2/1/11 Don Shetterly - use by permission only
http://www.donshetterly.com

1 comment:

  1. My heart only extends to you, with the thoughts, I wish I knew you when you were a child and going through the things you have. But, that is all past and done with, what I am so greatful is that you have become this wonderful person you are, you chose to be, and your story and life will have meaning for others. from age 11 to 16 my life was also a bit miserable and depressed, as I lived in a different country, with a different family who were not always nice to me, and life felt so heavy, but, thank god..I always knew who I was and kept strong, even if that meant, saying a prayer at bed time, where I found comfort..back than I did not know my prayers were heard, because there was no instant relief..but, now at age 45 I know they were heard..and are still heard..all of ours, not just mine.. but, looking back at those very impressionable years, they made me strong, I became a wonderful Social Worker, I became intuitive, I realized my own power, and it took me to my 30's to forgive and let go...and today, I am greatful, for "all" of the experiences..as sad as they were, they made the wonderful person who I feel today. Sometimes, when my sister and I reflect back, we laugh until we start crying..and true crying..because, we know the pain we had and today, many years later..it can still dampen our spirits..but, we are both these 2 wonderful ladies..who love and respect life and others. Maybe our suffering was for a reason, I know we were always cared for by the spirits of our parents and other loving spirits who guided us..and for this reason I am a very spiritual person..because, I know we were never alone..we are, all of us, never alone.. much hugs to you from chilly Houston..but, not as cold as the north or east..keep your body and heart warm always.. although I don't know you personally, I can truly say I am happy to know you and the wonderful person you are...and I know you are an advocate to all beings who may be suffering..and to make something positive from that.. God Bless You ( I hate saying this as I know he has ) and blessings...(I wish we could reach out to more younger school age kids and let them know, it will be okey, hang in there..use the loving role models around you, if you can't use your own parents/caretakers..)...

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