Coming To Terms With Masculine And Feminine

For a long time, I struggled with who I was.  I knew I was a boy (and now a man), yet I was always emotional or sensitive.  In many ways I hate those words because they often pegged me as being weak. In our society, to be considered a weak man is a death sentence

For a long time, I despised my sensitive side.  Yet, it was nearly impossible for me to hide it or ignore it or run from it.  It was there.  It was who I was, but it was a painful part of my existence.

I remember having my head bashed into a wall of a laundromat by a classmate because what I considered to be normal, he took offense to and he was going to teach me a lesson.

I remember having to sit through and watch horrible TV shows and movies with shooting guns and violence in them, while I cringed and hid deep within.

I remember being beaten if I didn't cry enough, and beaten more if I cried too much.  I remember being beaten when my poor little hands would be cold from the Midwest winters and inadequate mittens.  I was expected be strong and brave and courageous and unafraid.

Being a sensitive man (person, human, etc), I've picked up things at maximum levels that most don't even realize, yet there's often been nowhere to go with that.  There's hardly any men that I can talk to and share it.  I can often share it easier with my female friends, but there is a void there.

Being a gay man who is sensitive is like another whack on your head in our society.  The alpha-male dominant screaming and grandstanding individual is what society holds up as some great leader; the man that will say it like it is and go around shooting someone or knocking them down with one punch.  I see life completely different, and this portrayal that is pushed out every day is sickening at best.

For a long time, like I said, I hated that I was sensitive.  I had just as many feminine traits as I had masculine.  I felt like it was a curse!  Why was I created this way?  This was what I constantly asked myself.

It wasn't until I met a couple of influential people in my life that started to help me see that my sensitive side was a good thing.  It was there to help not only myself but others in life.  When these people would share with me that I had a good balance of masculine to feminine, I started to learn what that meant.  I started to see that in fact, it wasn't as bad as I thought.

Yes, growing up, I got beaten hard for not being a man or "not acting like a big boy", but to this day I don't know if I ever remember my dad showing emotions other than anger and rage.  When I brought this up in a letter, I was chastised and ostracized by my family for it.  If his emotional side was ever there, I did not see it.

It is difficult in this world not only being gay, but also dealing with a sensitive side.  I see so much that hurts me deep to the core while others close their eyes.  I'm gay and I see relationships differently than much of the world sees.  I've felt hatred directed at me for who I am and I can tell you that it is painful.  It angers me when I see people who boast how much they love others and yet, they show hatred in their words, actions, tweets, and likes.

I actually think we need more men that rise up and become who they are, not who society says they are.  What most men were taught would not stand up in court, but yet we propagate it over and over, passing it from one generation to another.  We are so unconscious in our thoughts and behaviors that we don't see the pain we are inflicting upon our children and their children.

If we don't embrace all parts of our self including the mind body, soul, spirit, masculine, feminine, and the love in our hearts, we're going to run our society off the cliff.  We have choices each day in what we do and while perfection is too lofty of a goal, we need to move toward a better awareness in  life that leads us to a greater consciousness.

Don't lose hope if you're a man and you struggle with the issues I've described above, because I will be the first to say, you're okay - you're fine, just the way you are.  You don't have to be someone you are not.  To understand who you are is by far a sign of greater strength than all the macho attitudes on display these days.

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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The Fear Poem

This is one of my favorite poems on FEAR, and it has helped me heal my life in many ways.  I am sharing the CD version with you in the hope that it will have as great an impact on your life as it has on mine.

Here is Joy Harjo performing her "Fear Poem"

Fear is a part of our human existence, but it is how we interact with that fear that either makes it debilitating or empowering.  It is not a simple process and should not be used as chastisement because you're still learning to see fear for what it is.  It is a lifelong process of awareness and consciousness, not something to hit ourselves over the head with in our healing.

All too often we act as if we should not have fear, but the fear is there for a reason.  If we allow it to show us what that reason is, we will gain so much in our life and in our healing.

For more, take a look at another blog post I wrote called "Don't Run From Your Fears".

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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Loneliness Can Break Your Heart

(by Jody, Mental Health Matters)

We all need human contact. Human beings are social creatures by nature and although isolation is a comfort for many, human communication is vital to survival. Isolation, in many cases, leads to a deep sense of loneliness which is such an overwhelming feeling.

You feel like you have no one and nothing, and will do almost anything not to have to feel it. It is like you are drowning in a lake with people in sight but no one close enough to throw you a line.  That is the worst kind of loneliness.

Feeling like this is not only emotionally devastating but research is showing that loneliness and social isolation can impact a person’s health, causing problems ranging from high blood pressure and obesity to heart disease and stroke,  much the same as anxiety and depression. Some researchers have indicated the increased rate of illness as high as 30%.

It could be because people who feel alone are generally isolated and tend to take poorer care of themselves. They have worse diets, generally not enough sleep or exercise and are more prone to not sticking to their medication routine or doctor’s appointments.

After all, when you are alone, you are reliant on your own motivation, and let’s be honest, when you are feeling that low, self-motivation is a near impossibility. Top that off with the depression or anxiety or whatever other mental health issue you are dealing with and the cumulative of those factors could drive up blood pressure which could in turn lead to heart issues.

Loneliness is an independent condition, even though one condition may affect the other. So for example it you were treated for depression or anxiety, the symptoms of those may dissipate but that does not mean the loneliness does.

There have been studies on the biological effects of loneliness, particularly on the stress hormone cortisol, as well as the link tied to hardening of the arteries which also leads to high blood pressure and increases risk of heart disease and stroke.  Researchers define loneliness as the gap between a person's desired and actual social relationships  and chronic loneliness can wreak havoc on your blood vessels and heart by undermining regulation of the circulatory system so the heart works harder and the blood vessels become more subject to damage.

Though they may not be aware of it, lonely people tend to perceive social interactions as more negative and threatening than others do, leaving our brains on constant alert for social threats. This persistent state of stress affects the cardiovascular system. Studies have found that people who were less socially connected had higher blood pressure as well as higher levels of inflammation markers in their blood, while others suggested that the risk of solitude is comparable to that posed by high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and even smoking.

Loneliness and isolation also appear to take a toll on a person’s lifespan, with some research suggesting that the increased risk for heart attack, angina or death by heart disease is 30%, and the increased risk for stroke by 32%, for both men and women.

So as much as your illness is telling you to isolate and feeding into your feelings of loneliness, try and fight it the best you can. Try to allow yourself a small support group, be it with friends or family or even in the online world. Sometimes the company of a distant stranger is welcome; non-judgmental support from people who may be struggling with loneliness can be as well. Not only is it important for our mental health, but as studies may be proving… loneliness can literally break your heart.

Being alone can break your heart——literally.


- Jody (Jody's Blog)

Read all of Jody's Columnist Posts

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Jody

Guest Blogger
Writer
Survivor, Warrior, Conqueror

Visit Jody's website at

Jodyb2016 Wordpress

  

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Blog Post And Images (c) 2017 by Don Shetterly and Jody

• Permission required before any part of this blog post is reprinted, reworded or used in any form. 
• You are welcomed to share the LINK to this blog post.  

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