tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post3389597798730875609..comments2023-10-16T07:17:34.858-04:00Comments on Mind - Body Thoughts: Feeling Unloved And UnwantedDon Shetterly - Relaxing Piano Musichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10127640545301835657noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-4919968990879451512016-01-04T03:05:46.568-05:002016-01-04T03:05:46.568-05:00Hi, thank you for sharing :) I also felt a bit unw...Hi, thank you for sharing :) I also felt a bit unwanted probably because we didn't have a lot of money when I was born. I was also the eldest child and I've internalized the program that I have to take care of my younger siblings. Fast forward to my adult life, I feel that I need to take care of everybody and when I can't I feel worthless. But those are untruths. I think those are the things I am deleting, de-storying and uncreating. Hehe :) Thank you for sharing. It feels good to exorcise these things out of us. Honey Candy Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03324325814619186962noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-30156190642778018422015-12-13T20:18:27.335-05:002015-12-13T20:18:27.335-05:00Hope, What is the intense exercise?Hope, What is the intense exercise?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-57438840994912429022015-12-13T20:15:19.543-05:002015-12-13T20:15:19.543-05:00Reading all these stories makes me feel less alone...Reading all these stories makes me feel less alone. Everyone’s stories are so unique, yet, they all seem to carry out much the same way. Humans long to feel wanted, loved. I woke up this morning feel anything but. . . .it’s a very familiar feeling. I’m going through a bout of depression now and mornings aren’t so good. I feel lonely, the thoughts come and I’m inconsolable and feel so insignificant, so unwanted. <br />I experienced emotional neglect from parents that were too busy working, oblivious to the bullying I experienced in middle school from my so called ‘friends’. It’s marked me so. . .I am scared of getting involved with men and cautious with any friendship. Almost like a state of trauma. . .always expecting the worst. Guarding against ridicule from men, expecting a cruel joke much the way I experienced during my adolescence. During that time, every day was a struggle. . .going to school, praying, praying, praying for a different day only to have a repeat of the previous. No one saw me, no one was there, there was no one I could reach out to. Home life was just a tumultuous. <br />I had siblings who experienced some conflict with my dad. While I know that wasn’t easy, the difference I saw, is that she had someone, my mom to be supportive. Even though my mom never stood up to my dad--she gave my sister support, she wasn't alone. I was and it's taken me time to stop blaming myself for those experiences. <br />It makes me so sad to think that I still feel so unloved, worth so little at 43 years old. So sad. . .there’s been anger, frustration, self blame, shame but the feeling that withstands is sadness that this has been my life. Ive had 3 suicide attempts and I have never really told anyone (friend or counselor) about all of these experiences. When my mind goes back to that trauma and helplessness, I think about ending it. . .I know there are others that have experienced more horrible experiences but some day I would hope to have some comfort that I must learn to give myself, but for now I can only think I’m failing at that. I don’t know how to do that or love myself. I have stopped looking for understanding of these painful experiences from others. All too often growing up people would write them off. . .you never reached out for help, kids will be kids (re: bullying), it’s tiring. Hope is painful for me--it reminds me of hoping for a different on a daily basis, praying (I was raised Catholic). Why is hope painful for me? <br />I guess I should just remember to keep going even though I feel I’m just existing and lacking the desire to persevere. <br />I’m glad I found this to share and read about others’ experiences. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-33969425792467251282015-11-12T20:42:21.286-05:002015-11-12T20:42:21.286-05:00I'm so sorry, but do NOT accept the label of A...I'm so sorry, but do NOT accept the label of Aspbergers. It is likely not true. I was told that many years back and well confirmed today that it is NOT true. Very easy to put labels. Mental help still has a long way to go to help all of us. Be good to yourself, know you do matter !!!Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05865564329704934413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-66992032470641512472015-11-12T20:38:33.689-05:002015-11-12T20:38:33.689-05:00Part II (it was too long to publish)
For me, my b...Part II (it was too long to publish)<br /><br />For me, my big struggle is being so "different." I'm still single, no family at all, never married, no real friends, nothing. <br />I have learned that I basically "over-react' to everything: everything feels like I am being "left out", "abandoned" and repeating the past: I am nobody, I am nothing, I am not important in this world to anyone! It is NOT always true.............but it feels that way. And I meet a lot of people who have really been given to: and it "hurts" to be around them.<br /><br />We have to learn to accept our limitatons: we have big / large "emotional handicaps". Unfortunately ,the world doesn't recognize this type of health issue. If your arm was severed, would they tell you to "just get over it"? No...you'd have to DEAL with it. Unfortunate, there is no real support to deal with this type of issues.<br /><br />I hope this is useful to everyone. Thanks Mr. Shetterly, your thoughts are most wise, perhaps you can comment on "Attachment" for all.<br /><br />I try to remain "Hope" ...ful (hopeful).....despite everything and how disconnected I feel in life.<br />Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05865564329704934413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-77664454303469752332015-11-12T20:38:09.284-05:002015-11-12T20:38:09.284-05:00To everyone and Kayla Louise
Those of us who grew ...To everyone and Kayla Louise<br />Those of us who grew up feeling unloved, have deep rooted issue in attachment. Most therapists do not go this deep, as they are not trained this way. Most do not go deep enough to find out where the root of the issue lies.<br /> I am fortunate to have found a counselor who has shown me my underlying issues of feeling unloved and unwanted: attachment disorder. <br />The sad ugly truth of life is that no one will ever care for you like a parent is "supposed to." We will NEVER get the unconditional love from anyone else, other than a parent, and if you don't have it....you won't find it elsewhere. It is not well understood in counseling "YET", but getting out there, as well as how much damage is done to those of us who are not attached to our parents. It sets us up for a life of rejection, abuse, neglect, bullied, used, etc by others. There is more research/ information "out there" on what it is, other than how to "fix it or for how therapists should help their patients.<br /><br />It has taken me a lifetime to connect to this issue, as it is so deep for me, started very very early in my life, before 2 years of age. I am in the deepest source of pain I have had, despite my long 50+ years in life. It is horrible to realize what I NEVER GOT, and NEVER will! It is time to grieve this loss, bang pillows, hit whatever useless object, get angry, rageful, cry, grieve, pout, whatever....to let those deep dark painful experiences out. IT IS horrible! No one understands what it is like to be "unloved as a child." And to have your whole entire adult life, relieve this, from rejection after rejection from others. Of course we are going to find situations that repeat the pattern. You have to first recognize it though, and get support to stand up to things, and realize you do matter, you are an interesting, wonderful human being that deserves the love and respect of others. I agree w/Mr. Shetterly....you have to stand up for yourself, and grieve that no one else will.<br />Dr. Van der Kolk is very famous for his work in PTSD, and "the body does remember. " <br /><br />One thing that has saved me for years, is my intense interest in one form of exercise, that really does release the trauma. My body is highly stressed during these workouts, and it does help immensely. I do believe many trauma counselors know this, but I can tell you, it does really help a lot. It at least alleviates it temporarily.....it doesn't push it away forever.<br />My background: I have a very deep mother wound, it is so deep, it is a "way of life" for me. My counselor thinks it started when I was less than 1.5 years of age! It is very deep, and very ingrained. I don't even remember/recall anything. It is hard to try to "fix" what I don't even know what is wrong! <br /><br />Thank you all................Hopehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05865564329704934413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-84330393087766882192015-11-10T22:12:18.520-05:002015-11-10T22:12:18.520-05:00@BradWilson, take baby steps. Keep trying. Don&#...@BradWilson, take baby steps. Keep trying. Don't accept the Asbergers "diagnosis. That's the easy way out and will keep you as more of an outcast. You can work your way through that. I too am most likely "on the spectrum" but because I refuse to accept my so-called "disability," I am making new friendships and my experiences are growing more rewarding and richer. I'm reaching a beautiful new point of self-acceptance and true growth. They key is to serve others and forgive, to think less of yourself and ask your Higher Power for help. All the best to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-36909903953337578622015-11-08T21:37:09.028-05:002015-11-08T21:37:09.028-05:00If I didn't know better, I would think I wrote...If I didn't know better, I would think I wrote this. I feel the same way. Some times it is very hard to keep going, but go on we must. Unless you are there, you really can't know what it is like. People seem to think it is so easily overcome and that it is all in your head. I truly hope that you can find peace, true love and happiness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-60113376067557082182015-10-09T12:58:37.693-04:002015-10-09T12:58:37.693-04:00I know I feel the sameI know I feel the sameAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-88746327256423412162015-07-01T13:21:49.072-04:002015-07-01T13:21:49.072-04:00same story in my case........ same story in my case........ Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-67474326482941072692015-06-18T08:52:28.928-04:002015-06-18T08:52:28.928-04:00Have you by chance heard about Dr Bessel Van der K...Have you by chance heard about Dr Bessel Van der Kolk's book "the body keeps the score" Check out this quote on another blog post here http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/2015/06/move-beyond-trauma.htmlDon Shetterly - Relaxing Piano Musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10127640545301835657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-345015300146248532015-04-14T00:55:28.735-04:002015-04-14T00:55:28.735-04:00I'm so scared I will stay like this forever. ...I'm so scared I will stay like this forever. I can relate. my father frequently told me that I was not worth his time or money to raise, and I left home at 17 after 4 failed suicide attempts. I am 21 now, and sometimes things are good. I am married and we go through times where I feel loved and wanted. But a few times a week, even when happy, I want to kill myself. Sometimes it's a flitting thought, other times I cut, sometimes I buy a case of sleeping pills and sit with it for a while. I have started drinking whenever I hAve an issue, no other coping methods work. Working out. Drawing. Listening to music. Nothing. Seeing all of these people in their 40's and up saying that they have just as much despair as myself, if not more, makes me wonder if this ever ever goes away. I'm terrified that I am going to go through life feeling unwanted. Kayla Louisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03338959533713794062noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-50597681396404717112014-11-17T14:44:40.022-05:002014-11-17T14:44:40.022-05:00You can come out of it. Have a pet and learn to l...You can come out of it. Have a pet and learn to love. You will get it back one day.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-81518772901246095652014-09-08T18:25:06.202-04:002014-09-08T18:25:06.202-04:00Thanks for sharing this. I'll have to check i...Thanks for sharing this. I'll have to check it out because I guess I missed it. The more we clean out those closets, the more room in life we have for peace, joy, happiness... Don Shetterly - Relaxing Piano Musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10127640545301835657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-85643707265890568032014-09-08T18:09:53.121-04:002014-09-08T18:09:53.121-04:00Yes, I agree with you and others that withheld lov...Yes, I agree with you and others that withheld love tends to come back and bite us again through memories, which are ALL still in there.<br /><br />Yes, Perfect Love is a separate program from Love or Above, which is the program that launched her through Mind Valley.<br /><br />Perfect Love is a 6 week Group clearing program that sold for $797<br />The audios of that program are now available on her site for $497...<br />BUT I happened to attend Saturday's Group clearing and SURPRISE!! it was offered for $147...YAY!<br />I like what I've read about it and I'm seriously considering it.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-80074220227298343142014-09-08T15:55:19.621-04:002014-09-08T15:55:19.621-04:00Are you referring to the Love and Above program, o...Are you referring to the Love and Above program, or is there another one that I'm not familiar with? I have tried the Love and Above program and found it very helpful to me. I thought I had written about it, but I can't find the blog post. For me it was a continuation of trying to release old patterns that I've had in my life. <br /><br />It took me a long time to realize that the love that was withheld from me affected me in ways I never contemplated. It has taken me a lot of years to start letting go of these things and reprogram the brain and neuropathways.Don Shetterly - Relaxing Piano Musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10127640545301835657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-57791042963725224632014-09-08T00:33:51.899-04:002014-09-08T00:33:51.899-04:00Don, Have you considered doing the "Perfect L...Don, Have you considered doing the "Perfect Love" program by Christie Marie Sheldon? <br />I Am considering it and, having read all of your responses regarding Christie Marie Sheldon's Unlimited Abundance program, I would really like to hear your thoughts on Perfect Love. <br />Oh, and yes, I empathize with you and others regarding the topic of this post...Thank you for your blog.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-18485793238827201082014-03-28T19:10:53.447-04:002014-03-28T19:10:53.447-04:00Looks like I'm not the only person who also ha...Looks like I'm not the only person who also has been abused, abandoned, and growing up unloved. The books "Toxic Parents" and "Mothers Who Can't Love" both Dr. Susan Forward are helping me. I very highly recommend them. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-22409507631386507742014-02-07T06:56:40.468-05:002014-02-07T06:56:40.468-05:00I hear your pain and trauma. I have suffered in ch...I hear your pain and trauma. I have suffered in childhood too but my saving grace always and always will be my love of animals and nature. <br /><br />I certainly am no expert and have been in counselling for over 30 years but when the chips are really down for me and I am drowning is sewerage my pets pull me out and make living worthwhile.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-70282863017817418532013-12-18T23:16:47.999-05:002013-12-18T23:16:47.999-05:00I'm being a bit of a coward commenting anonymo...I'm being a bit of a coward commenting anonymously but I don't have your bravery and fear being judged as a loser.<br /><br />I was badly abused by a step-father. There were set times, to the minute for every detail of my life. It was timed so he did not have to see me. He would say, 'children should be seen and not heard, but you should not even be seen'. I was locked in my room except for school or if there were visitors for 11 years. My windows were nailed closed and I had only a bed and a desk & chair. Once a year I got to stay with my Nan while they went on holiday. They would bring back dolls from all over the world. They had to stay in the unopened box to retain their value. So these lined the wall above the desk. No touching allowed.<br /><br />I remember being forced to clean my own blood off the walls with my head swimming. One day, we had to speaches at school and I couldn't do it. I'd open my mouth to start and no sound came. It was fear. I became 'selective mute'. The school councellor made me sit in her office once a week. Eventually I could talk to her. And then, I told her. She told my parents. I was pulled out if that school and started at my new school on crutches.<br /><br />I wish I could say adulthood has been much better but truthfully it's been very hard. I am now 41 yrs old and I have very little going for me. I had two defacto relationships. One ended when he held a knife to my throat and the other ended after I'd had surgery and my partner, at the time, emptied my bank account on alcohol instead of picking up my pain killers. My longest relationship has been 2 years.<br /><br />I've been to councelling on and off my entire life trying to fix the damage and I don't know if it's possible. Somehow, I seem to court rejection and abuse despite all efforts to heal. I have a few friends but I've never told them because I'm afraid they'll treat me differently or feel uncomfortable. <br /><br />I'm scared of being like this forever. I want to know what love feels like. I want to know what healthy looks like. Sometimes, it's exhausting trying.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-23215804723168035932013-11-14T08:32:14.163-05:002013-11-14T08:32:14.163-05:00You now need to relate to yourself the way you wis...You now need to relate to yourself the way you wished your family had related to you. You are old enough now, and it's something you must take responsibility for if you want to heal. It works, trust me. I feel your pain.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-53293082354441810042013-10-18T22:27:41.263-04:002013-10-18T22:27:41.263-04:00Oh goodness I just found this site and am glad tha...Oh goodness I just found this site and am glad that I am not alone after all. Rejected by my parents, kids, and now husband...no friends to talk to or spend time with....I am 44 and can't believe I feel this way. I wear my heart on my sleeve and get hurt very easily. I find it easy to love people and would do whatever is in my power to help anyone I see may need assistance. I give and give and get hurt over and over. I felt worthless growing up and was told over and over how selfish I am. I swore my kids would know without a doubt that I loved them. That much I accomplished. Now they have chosen to spend time with my parents (their grandparents) instead of me. No one has time for me. I love getting out and doing things but there is no one to do anything with since the kids have all left home and my husband only works, sleeps, eats. I know my Jesus is always with me but I am human and need to feel/see/hear someone near me. Sometimes the feeling of being alone is almost overwhelming......there is so much more I have not shared and find that these thoughts are getting stronger. God reminds me who I am to Him but my prayers have changed to begging Him to please let me come Home NOWAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17484419416370350078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-38422795239731185952013-08-25T10:42:00.678-04:002013-08-25T10:42:00.678-04:00There are an immense amount of people who feel un...There are an immense amount of people who feel unloved and unwanted ,If only there was a way we could identify and help each other , But alas we are mostly alone with our emptiness, and frequently attract instead, people who seem to use us and take all we have to give and leave us feeling <br />scared and unloveable, Maybe it is within ourselves the problem lies , Helping others and meditation are good to make a person feel better as wellAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-41708887807003552792013-08-18T11:36:45.059-04:002013-08-18T11:36:45.059-04:00I hear you... and in the end we have to find a wa...I hear you... and in the end we have to find a way to make each day count for us - which includes loving ourselves so much that no matter where we are in life, we find our way forward. It isn't easy.. especially when you've been through difficult moments, but keep going - keep searching for what makes your heart sing (and don't let the fears/doubts win).Don Shetterly - Relaxing Piano Musichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10127640545301835657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-567475060382733569.post-27136275872845688252013-07-14T20:09:30.508-04:002013-07-14T20:09:30.508-04:00I kinda is feeling unwanted. Especially this summe...I kinda is feeling unwanted. Especially this summer. I know a lot is going on with my family but one night at the movies isn't really a summer. I usually go swimming, go to cookouts, ect. Not this year. The 4th was just another day for me, really didn't feel like a holiday. I don't remember the last time I went to the beach. I'm 25 years old just recent got my DL and my mom still treats me like a kid. She won't let me drive by myself so I basically stopped telling people that I have my license. Also, i was supposed to get her car but i don't see that happening by the end of the summer. So basically I have been home alone a lot this summer (like I am right now) with a lot of time to think about a lot of things, plus a bunch of sleepless nights, except for last night one of the few good night sleeps in a long time. This year for my birthday I really didn't do what I wanted. I wanted to go out of town but I stayed here. Didn't get a birthday cake, which I really wanted. My best friend lives in Florida and really don't have that many here at home. Today, my mom really hasn't said that much to me and I feel like a burden. Really I do. My dad left us when I was 12. So now I kinda sorta feel like no one really wants me. Wish this feeling will go away.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com