What we say isn't always true or as true as we lead ourselves to believe. Now, I'm not claiming that we intentionally lie to others. Maybe you could make the claim that we do and it would be correct. I'm really saying that we show one side to the world and another that we show to only those we truly trust and feel safe around.
Sometimes you need to modulate how much you show to the world. Not everyone needs to hear everything that has happened in your life. It can easily be too much and overwhelm others. There are times that the details are just not appropriate for everyone to hear. There are boundaries you need to establish as well. So, please don't mistake what I'm saying that we have to be an open book 100% of the time. Definitely not!
How true is the story we tell...
We just need to be mindful though of the story we tell and how true or not true it is. Whether it is to our self or those that we love and trust, how much are we holding back? How real and authentic is it? How much are we projecting on to the things that really aren't the culprits?
It is easy to blame everything and anyone for our situation in life. Believe me, there are some that definitely deserve the blame. However, in the current moment we have, what we do and how we act is totally up to us. How we view our life and our possibilities is now in our possession. Yes, there are influencing factors in our life that weigh heavily on this, but in this current moment, it is up to us how we proceed.
Pushing away others...
Trying to hide the real self and say what we think others only want to hear is not necessarily the most helpful. Especially if you're in a therapeutic relationship or even with an intimate partner, trying to alter truth and reality is not helpful. The more authentic and open you can be in those cases, the more connection, love, and support that will be there.
Some days I want to go hide in my cave and when I do that, I assume and pontificate that all others hate me. I proclaim that no one wants me and no one cares. In those moments, when I'm hiding my true self and saying something different to those around me, I'm deepening the divide between us. I'm pushing away the connection to others I so desperately need.
It took me a long time to begin to own up to what had taken place in my life. Yes, it was horrible. Yes, I went through childhood sexual abuse, torture and intense trauma. The thing is, I kept it hidden from everyone, including myself and it nearly cost me my life. I took my last few breaths before I woke up.
If you are hiding such deep pain from view, don't beat yourself up for it because that is part of your survival. Instead, begin to see if there is someone you can trust enough and who is safe enough, that maybe you can reach out a little to them. If they reach back with love and compassion, you've got someone that can help you climb out of the depths you are in. If they reach back with judgment, keep looking for those that have love and compassion. They are out there!
No matter what, work at being honest and authentic in your life. Don't settle with what you try to tell yourself is true. Instead, allow yourself to go in and find those ugly parts so you can let them go. They are robbing you of energy and once you reclaim them, the energy that is freed up will help you go further than you ever realized was possible.
Blog Post And Images (c) 2016 by Don Shetterly
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