Announcement


For those who struggle, it is a nightmare.  For those who have had their lives torn apart because a loved one committed suicide, the pain continues.  The questions continue.  Suicide of a loved one often destroys the lives of those left behind.

Please join me for a free online webinar as we discuss a mother's promise to help prevent suicide.

Reserve your place at:
A Mother's Promise To Help After Son's Suicide
Feb 4, 2017 (1pm EST)

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Are You Adding To The Discussion

How many days do we go through that we see the same old and tired worn out postings on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media?  It seems like the same stories, the same feel good pictures, the same articles to get worked up over, the same posts and forwards and shares all just continue time and time again.  If you didn't see it the first million times, don't worry!  There will be another million times to see it.

My question is to the masses.  Are you adding to the discussion in the day?  If not, why?

This goes for things that everyone deems as being good because they feel good.  If you oversaturate the day with all of these, they all become diluted.  If all you share in a day is feel good stuff, I think it becomes like the boy who constantly cries wolf.  Soon, no one hears it.  If they hear it, it becomes just noise in a day.

Monday, March 30, 2015

Stress Level Max

I feel like I've been under assault lately.  Constantly not being able to get away from everything.  Some days I want to throw my phone as far as I can throw it and never turn on my computer again.  My stress level is maxed out.  I'm not sure how I'm still standing.

It seems like I don't even have time to keep up with friends or do the things I enjoy doing like my music, painting, and being in nature.  If I could do those things in my sleep, maybe I could still do them.  It feels overwhelming.  It feels like "how much more can I take" kind of situation.

Yet, I love what I'm doing, but its taking a toll on my body.  Constant headaches are showing up.  Sore and tense muscles are prevalent.  Other things that I notice are just signs of constant stress and I'm beginning to wonder, is it all worth it.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

I Love Our Cats

They are so awesome!  Life wouldn't be complete without our two cats.  Someone told us recently that cats aren't that affectionate and I'm like, you haven't met ours.  They have so much love to give that it seems like if they don't give enough love to us, it makes them nuts.

It all depends upon what you give to your pets and animals.  If you treat them with respect and love, they will mirror that back to you.  If you're psychotic and crazy and mean, they will mirror that back to you as well.  It all depends upon what you do and how you live your life in how they react to you.

We've got two cats that were rescued by Candy's Cat.  They have been precious to us from day one and they still are.  Where ever we go, they are close by.  Its almost like they take turns watching us throughout the day.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

What Is Family?

For some people, this word is a good thing.  For other people, the word family is a total nightmare.  Depending upon what someone has been through, it can mean something so dear to a person or it can be one of those things that makes a person want to scream.

For me, family is not an easy concept.  Its been a lifetime of torture for me.  I've had many people tell me that I can create my own family and while that is true, it doesn't necessarily lessen the impact of the concept on my life.  Believe me, I've spent years trying to "create a family" and trying to discard the "family" that is nothing more than torture to me.

I have not talked to most of my immediate family since 1991.  At my mom's funeral, I had limited engagement with one of my two brothers.  Yet, I wanted to avoid them and they wanted to avoid me.  I struggled with anxiety at the mere mention of the name of anyone in my family that it was almost paralyzing to me.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

If It Doesn't Work, Try Something Different

Are you like me, where sometimes I go through my days and week wondering why I'm not getting anywhere?  I'm not saying that happens all the time, but there are periods that it does.  Maybe to you, it just seems like you're beating your head against a brick wall.  Maybe you feel that everyday is just more of the same and what's the use?

I remember hearing a story about the man that walks down the street and falls in the hole.  He then gets back out and goes walking down the same street and once again falls in the hole.  He continues this day after day until one day the man walks down the street and walks around the hole.

As humans we are all like this in many ways.  We tend to walk down the street and fall in the same hole.  It may be different holes, but instead of walking around the hole, we drop right into it.  However, if we can just realize that walking around the hole saves us a lot of headaches and bruises, we'd get further in life.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Rush To Judgement

These days, there is no such thing as innocent until proven guilty.  In our current form of news dissemination, we all rush to judgement before we know the facts.  It doesn't matter what story is reported, everyone seems to be an armchair quarterback on every news event of the day.  If everyone was as smart as they purported to be about world events and happenings all across our land, I think we would have the mental capacity to solve every problem known to man.  Okay, maybe I'm being a little too over the top by saying "everyone".

Am I cynical about all of this?  Yes, I will be upfront and tell you that I am.  I hear people tell me that they watch different news sources and then make up their own informed opinions.  Unfortunately, no matter what news source you watch, they all have their bias and their point of view.  You aren't watching "facts".  You are watching "opinions and beliefs".

Thursday, March 19, 2015

We Have It Good

As I was viewing a historical site, Ft Boonesborough, I just had one of those moments of reflection.  I was looking at the cabins within the fort and seeing all their living conditions.  There was nothing great and everything they had was limited.

If they had a wooden bed to sleep on up off of the floor, it was a lot.  They didn't just go down to their local Target, Walmart, or IKEA and buy a bed.  They had to make it and that meant cutting trees down, sawing them up and putting it all together.  Even if they did all of that, having a nice mattress or comforter and sheets was a luxury.

In one cabin, there was nothing more than a straw bed on a dirt floor.  Imagine that!  I know some in this world still live in those conditions.  In the United States, we don't even consider these conditions.  It doesn't even enter our consciousness most of the time.  We are often oblivious to what occurs in our world, unless it is a newscast on the TV.

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Soothing Sounds Of Nature

One of the things that I like most is what you find outdoors.  Its the soothing sounds of nature that bring me to a place like no earthly sound can.  No music or man-made sound can match up to what we have in nature.

Today as I was walking through the woods, a beautiful stream of water coming out of the hills meandered along the walking path with me.  As it did, the sounds of water running over the rocks and trees and dirt was a beautiful sound.

It was refreshing and relaxing.  It was invigorating, but in a quiet and peaceful way.  It would grow louder in places and then quiet down.  The stream of water continued to flow towards the river ahead in a constant and consistent way as if everything was meant to be just as it was.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Breaking The Silence

Years ago I had a website for those that had been abused so that they could be given a voice.  It was appropriately called Breaking The Silence.  Unfortunately the immaturity and dysfunction of a few brought the forum and website down.  It came to a point that by having it online, it was causing more harm than it was helping anyone.

One of the bedrock principals that I have built my life upon is breaking the silence.  I think that if you shine the light of truth upon every corner of the universe, good things will happen.  I believe that if truth goes before you, that many of the issues we face in this world would disappear.  When silence is allowed supremacy, it is then that the universe no longer is allowed to exist in the way it was intended.

I was abused and because of silence, that abuse was allowed to happen and go unchecked with everyone I knew.  The silence allowed the horrendous to happen.  The silence allowed only the good to be seen.

Monday, March 16, 2015

Trees and Nature Help Recharge My Life

Today was one of those days that I just needed to be where I felt safe and secure and grounded.  Today was one of those days where I needed to be out in the trees and woods.  It has been a stressful week and I felt like I was losing my hold on reality and losing my footing.

Being out in nature helps me find my way back to myself.  Its like the sounds, the sites, and the smells just call me home.  I feel safe and loved and welcomed.  I feel secure and grounded.  I sense the energy all around me.

In nature, especially the trees, I feel like I can talk to them and the trees talk to me.  If that sounds odd or appears that I'm mentally insane, so be it.  I just know what I experience.  I can feel all of it and see all of it.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Toxic Vegetables For Sale

As I saw the sign above the produce, I gasped with frustration and anger.  After all I was shopping for some healthy vegetables in Publix.  When I looked up, I was greeted with a sign that said, "these fruits and vegetables are coated with Food-Grade Vegetable Petroleum Beeswax and/or Lac Resin-Based Wax or Resin".

Oh, so delicious!  Give me some more of that stuff.  I like eating unnatural stuff on the healthy vegetables that the earth provides.  Yes, I love "petroleum" based products on my nice raw vegetables.  After all, that's the way they were created on earth to be consumed.  I'm sure they come out of the ground that way.

I know, I know, the reason for this is to help the shelf life.  I know, I know, these products have all been tested on lab rats to be 100% safe or that's what they tell us at least.  Poor rats!  I'm sure the food companies all have our best interests in mind when they add this stuff and they would never dare do something that would harm us.  The food companies would never do that to us.  Excuse me for a moment.... cough,,   cough,,,  sputter....

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Neck Tension Be Gone

The other day I had been working at my computer for many stressful hours.  My neck and shoulder was hurting from the tension that was building up.  Stress has a way of doing that to the body.  For each one of us, stress affects and zeroes in on different parts of our body.  For me, the neck and shoulder is where I really feel it.

The neck and shoulder pain were intensifying as the day went.  It was attempting to create a gigantic headache because I could feel it tugging on my upper head tissues.  So, I decided enough was enough and I would apply some of the things that I had learned on the table working with Dr. Canali.  This may all sound funny and strange and weird but it works.  Feel free to laugh when you read it, because that might be the thing you need.

I was alone and I acted almost like I was a cheer leader doing a cheer.  I saying nonsensical phrases like “you say go”, I say “who”.   But as I was doing it, I was dancing around like a cheer leader (I know…funny) and like punching my arms into the air with force and connection.  I was shocked at just how quickly that tension went away.  I had only a few minutes in-between activity that day, but those few minutes got rid of the pain and tension.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Learning There Is Only So Much You Can Do

Its easy to want to be superman or superwoman.  Its easy to want to be able to help or solve the problems of the day.  Yet, all too often, there is only so much you can do.  Learning this is not always easy and often takes repeat lessons to fully grasp.

I see people write flowery thoughts to others in times of great difficulty and while I'm sure they mean well, the words become foundations of sand.  The minute the water levels rise, the foundations wash away.  I do understand that its not always easy to know what to say and when to say anything.  I get that.  What I don't quite understand is how empty the words can often be to someone struggling to go one more day.

When I've been through the pain and rough moments of life, I often cherished those that would just sit there with me and listen.  They would listen to my stories as I told them through the tears and pain I felt.  They didn't try to tell me to get over it or move on or that some entity would make everything better.  They just listened and they listened with an open ear, having no judgement or preconceived ideas of what should or should not happen.

Monday, March 9, 2015

Together We Are Stronger

I wonder about people at times.  I really do.  I study people and watch them and observe them.  I've always done this ever since I can remember.  Sometimes people amaze me and sometimes they upset me.  Sometimes I'm totally captivated by them and other times I'm repulsed.

This past weekend we had a garage sale.  We had some vinyl records for sale.  Of course, I'm quite aware of the fierce competition by record collectors and I'm also aware that some record collectors have very little social grace.  I'm not saying all of them do, but I've observed that in many just like some of the computer techies who have no social grace.

So, I open the garage door and am met with two people who wanted to buy all of the records we had for sale.  One guy hands me $40 more than we were asking and says, "I will take them all".  Fine, by me.  We made good money and one less group of things left to get rid of in the sale.

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Are We Human

The question I wonder about so many in this world is a big one!  Are we human?  I don't mean do we resemble a human being with bones, muscles, brains, feet, hands, and other body parts.  Again I ask, are we human?

I don't mean do we human things or have moments of compassion and greatness.  I mean, are we human in all areas and walks of our life.  Are we human in all aspects and dealings with other people.  Or is it just a temporary thing that we do when the mood strikes us.

Do we really know what it is to be human or are we just playing a game?  Do we really care or focus on being human, or is it something we boast about while going on about our way in life.

Being human isn't something to take lightly.  Its so diluted and watered down these days it seems.  We fail one another in big ways and small ways.  We treat others as if they are property or a source of our greedy income.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Taken Advantage Of In Life

This may end up being a post that is a rant and there's a possibility it may not even make it to the light of day.  I get so tired by people trying to take advantage of me in life.  I'm talented and skilled and I think fast on my feet.  I get that.

Unfortunately some with egos the size of the sun feel that this means they can take advantage of me.  All they care about is the almighty dollar or making themselves appear good.  That's it!  I know I'm not the only one to face such a situation.

Its hard to find people that truly respect you, care about you, and want to do whats best for all involved.  Even they get compromised by the big egos and small minded people.

I don't understand humans and this is one of those moments my brain does not have adequate capacity to understand.  Those that think and actually have control over your day annoy me.  I'd like to look at them, peer into their brain if they have one and ask, do you only just look out for yourself while screwing the other person.

Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Group Think In Healing

Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk talks about a study where it was found that 12.4 percent of child in foster care received antipsychotic medications compared to 1.4 percent of children in general.  According to what he writes in this book, The Body Keeps The Score, these medications make the children more manageable and less aggressive.


As he continues the discussion, he talks about drugs becoming so profitable, that major medical journals rarely publish studies on nondrug treatments.  People who look at treatments outside of the drug realm are typically marginalized as alternative and generally not funded.

We see group think in healing within medical establishments all too often.  As long as you keep those hospital doors open and you keep those surgery and exam centers bringing in the dollars, you are considered to be acceptable.  About the time that you suggest the body can heal on its own without all these medications, procedures, vaccinations, and treatments, you're considered to be a nut and someone everyone should turn away from.   Group think is what is required and the only thing that is permissible.

Monday, March 2, 2015

Antidepssants Saved My Life but Overused

At one time in my life, I needed pills to help me make it through my day.  I'm not as much a proponent of antidepressants as I once was, but I still see there need.  Of course, I realize that taking antidepressants without doing the hard work in life is like using a paper cup to bail water from a sinking row boat.

Antidepressants saved my life.  Without them, I'm not sure I would have made it this far in life.  The first time I started on them, I could not even function.  I couldn't even bring myself to walk out my door or get up from my hiding place on the couch.  I was shaking and having anxiety attacks.  I was not the least bit focused on anything in my day.  I would collapse at the first sign of any moment where stress was present.

Years had passed and while I had been off of antidepressants for some time, I began to go through the next phase of my healing journey.  Unfortunately, this part left me for clinging to the smallest thread of life in my day.  The nightmares were horror.  The participation in life was without feeling and emotion.  I longed for my life to end.  I actively looked for a way to kill myself every day.